


This Is Where We Find Our Peace

by fracturedmoonlight



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Eren and Levi are married and they totally don't realize it, Ereri Week, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Minor Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Mutual Pining, Pining, canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4754651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fracturedmoonlight/pseuds/fracturedmoonlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Eren move in together after the walls come down.</p><p>---</p><p>  <i>“You want to live with me?” he guessed, incredulous.</i></p><p>  <i>“Well, yeah,” Eren said, half-shrugging, back to scratching at his neck. “I mean, there’s more than enough space to drag another bed into the bedroom. Or, I can sleep out here on the couch. But not the dungeon,” he joked with a strained chuckle, before frowning once more.</i></p><p>  <i>He paused. “There’s no dungeon here,” he clarified, looking a little worried that Levi would actually request that he sleep in such a place.</i></p><p>  <i>“I know there’s no dungeon here, Eren,” Levi responded drily.</i></p><p>  <i>Eren just grinned back at him uncomfortably.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. first impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooh man, I have been so absent from this scene. I am such a passive member of the fandom! Anyway, I decided to try and participate in Canonverse Ereri Week '15 since I didn't get to do the last one, because I had just graduated from college! Hooray!
> 
> The good news for you is this is HAPPENING. The bad news is I am heading to graduate school in a different country in two weeks, so this may be my last story for some time.
> 
> Reminder: my tumblr is **lesserperfectysystem.tumblr.com**. Please come at me with prompts or if you'd like to chat! I am, again, bad at fandom. Please talk to me! :)
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy!

“It’s…big.”

Levi’s reaction to his brand new house was not by any means enthusiastic, but his old squad knew better than to expect otherwise.

“Well, Commander Hanji told me you’d never had your own place,” Sasha’s voice, a jovial titter, came from somewhere behind him, “so that’s probably to be expect— _oof_ , Connie, _what the hell_?”

“Sasha, be quiet!” hissed Connie, after probably having jabbed her in the stomach with his elbow. It almost frightened Levi how well he knew his squad; even without looking, he could see the put-out look on Sasha’s face, the pained look on Armin’s…

“It’s not entirely furnished yet, but I think you’ll like what we’ve done with the interior,” Armin began, stepping into Levi’s field of vision and adjusting his new pair of thin-rimmed spectacles (he’d developed something of a nervous tic that involved constantly adjusting them when he was uncomfortable, which Levi admittedly found humorous; he seemed to do it constantly when he was made to speak in front of Hanji). “If you’ll follow me, Captain,” he began again, turning to Levi and gesturing to the front door of the house.

Armin stepped inside, polished leather boots clacking loudly on the lacquered hardwood floor. Before Levi could even take one step to follow, he felt someone take his arm.

He shifted his gaze to the right, only to find Eren glancing down at him sheepishly. The first few months of recovery, he had smacked Eren away when he’d attempted to help him. Finally, Eren had lost his temper. Eren had never directed his notorious anger toward him, so it had been something of a minor shock.

“You saved my life, just let me help you, damn it!” he had snapped after Levi had, with practiced ease, pushed him away before taking the first few steps up to Historia’s palace.

“…fine,” he had grumbled after a beat, and Eren had taken his arm. Ever since then, Levi had become used to Eren appearing seemingly out of nowhere to take hold of him.

“Well, now that we’re done with your house, we can move onto Eren’s in the next few days,” Armin noted in a pleased tone, turning toward the pair once they had crossed through the doorway into the foyer. “The timeframe is still to be determined, but based on the completion of this one—and, take note, it was surely our most involved thus far—”

“Actually, Arm, I was thinking…” Eren was scratching at his neck with his free hand. He kept glancing around suspiciously. Levi narrowed his one good eye, though he was sure Eren didn’t notice. “Can—can I just talk to you in private for a second?”

“Uh, sure,” Armin said, frowning a bit.

“Excuse us, Captain,” Eren said with a tight smile. He let go of Levi’s arm and walked out of the house the same way they had entered; Armin stepped out after him.

Levi hobbled over to a window toward the back of the room. There was a cushioned bench resting underneath it; a warm feeling washed over him as he imagined spending countless afternoons sitting on that little bench, staring out the window at the expanse of land that went on and on for miles. No walls in sight, a cup of freshly brewed Assam in hand.

A bird rested on the windowsill and he felt his chest tighten.

Just as dark thoughts began to crowd his mind, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He looked up to see Eren smiling down at him, though the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

 _Suspicious_.

“Ah, the mahogany bench! Commander Hanji told me to include as many windows as possible, and we thought that would make a nice resting place. Sasha is actually the one who made all the cushions in the house,” Armin explained.

“All the pillows are filled with our best goose feathers!” Sasha piped up, long copper skirt waving as she shifted from foot to foot, a proud smile on her face. A comically malicious smile graced her lips as she leaned in and added, “We used the worst ones to make Jean’s.”

Eren reached out a hand and helped pull him to his feet. The two followed Armin as he finished giving the tour of his new house. Levi felt as though he was caught in a haze, blindly allowing Eren to guide him from room to room. Shared kitchen and living room. One bedroom, one bathroom. A closet—no, two. A pantry.

A far cry from a dusty castle.

A plot of land untouched by memories.

Levi had never really had a home before. Maybe once upon a time, in the Underground. Even so, it had been abandoned just as it had become a bit more than a shelter.

He wasn’t sure what to make of this new space, yet.

Eventually, Sasha and Connie took their leave; they lived an hour’s walk away on a larger plot of land that they were transforming into a rather productive farm.

Levi watched as Armin eyed Eren warily before bidding them both a good night.

“Why didn’t you leave with him? You’re _both_ staying with Jean and Mikasa,” Levi asked flatly. He had a feeling that the talk Eren had requested and all those shared glances between the two old friends meant something he was very much not going to like and/or agree with.

“Well, I wanted to ask you something. You can say no,” Eren added quickly. He led them from where they were seated at the small round table in the kitchen to the mahogany bench from earlier (one, two, seventeen, thirty-one steps away).

He let go of Levi’s arm once they were both seated. The last of the light was fading, and it was making Eren’s eyes look darker than the saturated green they were in the morning light—more like a brown. Perhaps hazel.

Oh no, he was getting distracted. _Shit_ , Levi thought, because Eren had already begun to speak.

“—and I _swear_ , it’s not just because of your foot,” he said, gesturing to the clunky metal appendage strapped to Levi’s left shin. “It’s also just…it’s me, too.”

Eren cleared his throat. “I’ve never had to live alone,” he confessed earnestly, looking down at the floor.

Levi blinked.

“You want to live with me?” he guessed, incredulous.

“Well, yeah,” Eren said, half-shrugging, back to scratching at his neck. “I mean, there’s more than enough space to drag another bed into the bedroom. Or, I can sleep out here on the couch. But not the dungeon,” he joked with a strained chuckle, before frowning once more.

He paused. “There’s no dungeon here,” he clarified, looking a little worried that Levi would actually request that he sleep in such a place.

“I know there’s no dungeon here, Eren,” Levi responded drily.

Eren just grinned back at him uncomfortably.

“Stop looking so constipated,” he muttered, looking away because he thoroughly disliked meeting Eren’s gaze full-on. He didn’t _used_ to hate doing so, but right then it felt strange. They were seated very close on that small bench.

He took in a quiet, deep breath.

“You can stay,” he began, though he immediately stopped once he heard Eren make an excited little noise.

“ _But_ ,” he continued sternly, “you are not my caretaker, or my subordinate. You are my roommate.”

 _You are my friend_ , Levi’s mind whispered.

“Right!” Eren said, back straightening to reflect his joy. “Roommates! Thank you, Captain!”

“Levi,” Levi mumbled, before clearing his throat and trying again. He lifted his eyes to stare back at Eren. “I’m not your captain anymore, anyway. Just Levi.”

“Just Levi,” Eren said with a small laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners. There were tiny wrinkles there, which, to Levi, seemed strangely out of place but wildly comforting. “Right, right. _Just Levi_.”

Eren thrust out his right hand and watched him expectantly. Levi brought up his own, and Eren took his hand in his own, shaking it firmly.

“At the first sign of dirt, you’re out,” Levi warned him.

“Of course!” Eren laughed, and those little crinkles were back.


	2. cleaning day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the feedback so far, guys! This is my first canonverse fic, so I'm having a lot of fun. Remember: I love comments! Even if it's just, like, three words!
> 
> Enjoy!

After the walls came down, people found themselves simultaneously hating to talk about them and loving to compare their previous lives to their new ones.

After all, now they had fruit breads. Vast, open public squares. Musicians and dancers and theatres to put them all in. Huge, extravagant wedding parties. Hell, parties or the most miniscule life events, like birthdays or the announcement of a woman’s pregnancy.

People were alive and they wanted nothing more than to prove it.

But they also had crime. Those who protested the monarchy. Traumatized veterans.

Things weren’t all black and white. Before, they had been. There had been living and there had been dying. Now, some things were just…different, and Levi found himself uncertain if he preferred the new to the old, or vice versa. One of the things that occupied this grey area was the quiet.

In his new house—a big, wooden thing, with a sturdy roof, and chairs, and cushions piled high on said chairs—the dominant sound was that of silence, save for the faint chirping of birds and the rustling of tree leaves in the wind.

The noise in the Underground could have definitely been described as “unsettling”. More often than not, Levi had fallen asleep to the cries of innocent people being attacked in the streets, the moans of the terminally ill, the sniffles of Isabel, or a combination of all three.

The noise of the barracks had been, strangely enough, comforting in its own way. The whispers and hushed giggles of good friends. The sound of footsteps from soldiers on watch patrolling the halls and the perimeter of the building.

Surprisingly, Levi was having more trouble sleeping here, in this silent house.

The first night, he didn’t sleep at all. He listened to Eren snore for hours, and scanned the ceiling for dirt or any chipped wood. No matter, though; he’d gone days without sleep before.

On the third night, Levi rose from his bed after he’d spent quite some time contemplating a dark spot on his wall, unsure of whether it was dirt or simply some discolored wood.

Shifting around until he got to the edge of his bed, he swung his good leg around until his foot was on the floor. Then, he strapped on his metal foot, grimacing at the way the metal creaked. Hanji had told him he’d need to oil it regularly, and in all the excitement surrounding his move, he’d forgotten. He had some oil with his old gear, but which closet had Eren shoved their sets into yesterday—

“What are you doing?” Eren’s voice was rough from having just woken. Levi couldn’t see him, though his bed was set up parallel to his own, with just a few feet of space between them; such as the darkness lent to them by the thick curtains Armin had chosen for his bedroom.

“Oh, sorry,” Levi replied. “Did I wake you?”

“It’s fine, do you need me to bring you anything?” Eren asked, and his eay tone indicated that he was, in fact, not at all resentful that his sleep had been interrupted.

“No, I was just…” Levi’s voice trailed off with a little sigh. “I was just going to go clean,” he admitted finally.

“It’s after midnight,” Eren remarked after a moment.

“I can’t sleep.”

“You didn’t sleep last night, either.”

“How did you—”

“I knew it.” Eren cut him off flatly. Levi heard him shift around in his bed, probably moving into a sitting position and searching for Levi across the expanse between them. “What can I do to help?”

“It’s just…it’s quiet,” Levi confessed after a beat.

“Well, our closest neighbors _are_ about a mile away,” Eren said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

 _When did his voice get so deep?_ Levi found himself wondering. He banished the thought and pressed on.

“It’s just different from…before.” He grimaced; he hated using that word. It made him feel like he was complaining about this beautiful new life of his. “It’ll just take some getting used to.”

The silence returned, though Eren was presumably sitting up. Levi’s breathing was the loudest thing in the room, now.

After a few more moments, he heard Eren’s voice call out, “Where’s the duster?”

“What?” Levi asked a little gruffly, a little embarrassed he was making such a fuss.

“We’re going to clean, right? I’ll grab the duster. The top of the pantry is getting dusty. That’s the problem with dark wood,” Eren explained, and Levi heard two sturdy feet smack the wood floor as he stood up.

“And if you still have trouble getting to sleep after this,” he added with a chuckle, “I’ll make some noise until you can.”

“Oh?” Levi swung himself up. “Going to sing me a lullaby, are you?”

“Nope, but I will tell you embarrassing stories about Jean’s early days as a cadet,” Eren said, and suddenly light filled the room, courtesy of a wall torch Eren had lit.

Eren’s messy hair and stubble was doing strange things to Levi’s stomach. _When had he become a man?_ It’s like he had looked away and someone had swapped that unsure, frightened fifteen year old with a confident, immeasurably brave, and compassionate twenty-two year old.

“None of your own?” Levi murmured, following him into the foyer.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Eren said with a huff, “I’m never embarrassing. Although, there was that one time…”

Eren found the cleaning supplies in the closet and the two set to work. Eren alternated between telling old stories, humming, and wondering out loud how Mikasa could possibly deal with having Jean as a husband.

He never once pressed Levi for information about himself, though Levi was sure he desired it. _Maybe one day_ , he decided, watching Eren untie the handkerchief from where it was tied over his mouth and then run a hand through his hair (it was getting quite long; Levi wondered if he would cut it or keep it as it was).

The two made their way back into the bedroom once they had finished, though not before Eren had brewed them both some tea. He set the two cups on the nightstand.

“You know,” Eren began, suppressing a yawn as he spoke.

Levi made a noise confirming that he’d heard Eren speak.

“Mikasa used to have trouble sleeping, too, so sometimes I would crawl into bed with her, and then she’d sleep just fine.”

Levi spit out the tea he’d just taken a sip of. He watched Eren flush all the way to his roots.

“Not like that!” he cried, eyes wide. “Just like, sleeping next to her! Just sleeping! She’s like my sister!”

Levi just stared at him blankly.

He was being punished for something—he had to be. He could just imagine Isabel rolling on the floor laughing at him, and Farlan giving him a consoling look, though he was secretly crying with laughter on the inside, as well. There could be no other explanation for this situation.

“We could just try it! And I snore a little bit, so the noise might help, too.” Eren nodded with seriousness, as if he were going over a military stratagem.

“I, uh,” Levi began, voice rough. “Well.”

“If you hate it, I’ll just go back to my bed,” Eren pressed on, sitting down on the edge of Levi’s bed.

Levi blamed his exhaustion for his utter lack of protest, and found himself scooting over to make room for the other man. Eren pulled up the blankets and got in. It was a tight fit, but it was by no means uncomfortable.

Lately, Levi was finding it extraordinarily difficult to be uncomfortable around Eren.

“See? Not so bad. Anyway, I was talking about Mikasa before, right?” he began, in a whisper.

Levi could feel Eren’s hot breath on his neck. He turned over to face the wall and closed his eyes.

“Jean’s proposal,” he murmured.

“Oh, MAN, that’s a great story. Okay, so…”

\---

Levi preferred sound, he decided. He woke up the next day (or, afternoon, rather, as the two had just gone back to sleep as the first streams of morning light had found their way through the heavy curtains lining the bedroom windows) to the clang of pots and pans, and the cursing voice of a young man.

“Ah, Capt—Levi, good morning!” Eren greeted him, surrounded by almost ten different pans and an incredible mass of foodstuffs, presumably from Sasha and Connie’s farm.

“Good morning,” Levi greeted him in return, taking a place at their round table for two and smiling, despite himself.

Yes, he much preferred sound to silence.


	3. the levi squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FACE THE WRATH OF MY FLUFF. >:3

“No.”

“Aw, c’mon Levi!” Eren whined. “Look at them! They’re so cute. Can you believe that Sasha was going to _eat_ them?

“Yes, Eren, I can, because that is what people do with chickens!” Levi growled, frustratedly rubbing under his eyepatch. He felt a headache coming on. “Not…whatever it is _you_ plan to do with them.”

“They can live outside!” Eren said, bringing over two cups of freshly brewed tea. He set them on the table in front of the bench Levi was currently seated on. “I’m going to build them a coop out of our leftover wood.”

“You brought back three roosters and only one hen. Do you know what roosters _do_ , Eren?” Levi twisted round on the small bench to stare out the window at the gaggle of chickens scurrying around in the grass outside.

Eren opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it and frowned. “Is this a trick question?”

“They don’t do anything!” Levi ground out with a scowl. He turned back to face Eren. “They make a lot of noise at the break of dawn and are otherwise useless!”

Eren looked offended, then despondent.

“But—”

“No buts! They’re going back,” Levi huffed.

“But I already _named_ them!” Eren blurted out.

Levi’s face darkened. “You _didn’t_.”

“On the way home,” Eren mumbled, looking away from Levi and out the window instead.

Levi opened his mouth to speak and then snapped it shut.

\---

He didn’t speak to Eren for the rest of the day. Eren caught onto his silent treatment quickly and gave up, electing instead to go outside and begin building the coop. Levi only got a little enjoyment out of watching the chickens peck at him as he tried to work, causing him to curse and shoo them away now and again. They ate their dinner together, but in silence. When it came time to go to sleep, Levi watched Eren hesitate, face twisted with uncertainty.

Levi just rolled his right eye and turned over. A few moments later, the torch was blown out. He felt Eren fold back the blankets and slide into bed beside him, mind apparently made up.

Levi spent the next few minutes glowering at the wall. Finally, he caved.

“What did you name them, anyway?”

He felt, rather than heard, Eren let out a small sigh.

“Promise you won’t be mad,” he mumbled.

“Why would I be mad?” Levi asked. _Or madder than I already am, I suppose_ , he thought bitterly.

“The hen is Petra,” Eren started shakily. “because she’s really sweet. She likes it when people hold her, and…the rooster with the really long tail is Eld. The really loud one that keeps bothering Petra is Oluo, and the one with the white chest is Gunther.”

Neither of them said anything for a while.

“I see,” Levi responded finally, voice soft.

“I just…I…” Eren’s voice was cracking, and it made Levi wince.

“You don’t have to explain,” he said evenly.

“I’ll…” Eren cleared his throat and began again, voice stronger than before. “I’ll take care of them.”

“The coop you built needs a stronger roof. We’ll fix it tomorrow,” Levi murmured, closing his good eye wearily. He was suddenly very tired.

Eren didn’t say anything. Levi heard him take in a few shaky breaths, and felt him move his left arm back and forth, as if he wanted to reach out and touch him.

He had trouble getting to sleep that night; from the way that Eren kept moving about, it seemed as though he wasn’t the only one.

\---

“Captain! You came without Eren today?” Sasha's bright voice called out to him even before he'd pulled his horse to a complete stop. The pants she was wearing were filthy, but he did his best to ignore it. He’d always been fond of Sasha, dirt and lack of dinner manners and all.

“Yeah. He figured you'd be pissed he stole your dinner last week, and my horse needed the exercise,” he explained, dismounting gracefully. The first few times he'd tried with his prosthetic had been rough. By now, it was second nature.

“Well, we have quite a lot of food here. Connie can ride back with you and take half the load,” she said, offering her arm. Levi took it, glad he didn't have to ask. His legs were stiff from riding, even though it had been a short trip. He really was getting better at accepting help. That was all Eren's doing, without a doubt.

“That's really not necessary,” he began, though he knew it probably was.

“Well, there's something else I wanted to show you. Come!” Sasha started eagerly, a spring in her step as she led him into her house and down a short corridor.

They stopped in the kitchen doorway. A chorus of mewls greeted them.

“Kittens,” Levi remarked flatly.

“Two of our barn cats just gave birth!” Sasha declared excitedly, letting go of his arms to bend down and pet one of their numerous cats.

“How many cats do you have?” Levi asked, voice neutral, though he was feeling overwhelmed for Sasha and Connie.

“Well, we had four, and now we have too many. So, do you want some?” Sasha asked. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. She was looking at him expectantly.

“Uh,” Levi began, grimacing slightly. Several cats padded over to him and began rubbing against his legs. He was going to have to pull cat hair out of his prosthetic's mechanism all night, he just knew it.

“Aw, look, they love you!” Sasha cooed.

Levi picked up a slender grey cat with bright yellow eyes. The cat stared back at him, unimpressed.

“That's one of the few males we have! That's Spoons’s son. He was born third—”

"I'll take him."

"Okay! But he's probably going to get lonely if he's all alone..."

Levi sighed and bent down once more, the grey cat he'd chosen still in his arms. He pet him idly as he examined the rest of the cats. Suddenly, he felt something pull at his shirt.

Sasha started laughing. "Sorry, this is one of Lucy's girls. The runt of the litter! She's a spitfire. Likes climbing humans. Don't you?" Sasha asked, pulling the cat off of Levi's back and poking her nose. The cat swatted a paw at Sasha in return.

It was a tiny tabby with huge green eyes.

Levi took a deep breath.

\---

"I thought we said no more pets," Eren said with a sly grin after he bid Connie goodbye. He and Levi had ridden back together, holding the cats in makeshift wooden carriers on their laps.

"They're useful," Levi argued. "they keep pests away."

"Well, they're gonna need names," Eren said bending down to release the cats from their tiny holding cells.

The cats stepped out cautiously, eyeing their new home.

"Isabel," Levi said, pointing to the small tabby kitten, "and Farlan."

Eren smiled. "Those are good names."

Levi stayed silent, watching as the kittens ran underneath the couch with their tails between their legs.

It was, without a doubt, weird to name pets after dead friends, but Levi understood the reasoning behind it. He had found it hard to let go before, but in this peaceful new world, he found it even harder. They should be here. They should have their own sturdy wooden houses, their own gardens or storefronts or whatever. He had never asked them what they wanted to do after the titans were eradicated. He supposed he's glad he didn't.

Maybe they wouldn't have known. Levi still wasn't sure what he was doing.

He shifted his gaze toward Eren, who was on all fours, searching for the cats under the couch.

He'd found him outside the other day, sitting on an extra chair they'd dragged outside. He was whittling something and talking, quietly, to the chickens.

He hadn't wanted to intrude. Not because Eren had looked sad, but it seemed like a private moment. _As private a moment in which a grown man was talking to chickens could be_ , he had thought, bemused.

"Leave 'em alone, they're just scared. They'll warm up to the new place soon."

"I suppose..."

"You know," Levi began, bending down next to Eren.

Eren twisted around to look at him in surprise.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here."

He didn't mean about the weather, but he thought Eren understood what he was implying.

Eren's face softened, and a goofy smile made its way onto his face. "I really want to hug you right now," he confessed.

Levi rubbed at his eyepatch and huffed in embarrassment. "Well, make it quick."

It wasn't all that quick, but Levi didn't tell him to hurry up, either.

That night, before he rolled over to face the wall as he usually did, he felt a hand cover his own and squeeze.

He squeezed back before he felt it let go.

He rolled over, face hot. A sense of dread washed over him.


	4. beyond the walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I included a playlist I used to write this fic on my tumblr, check it out!
> 
> Without further ado...
> 
> (pushes them both off a cliff)

Despite the late hour, Levi was still wide awake when the front door opened with a telltale creak.

He listened to Eren take a few steps into the room and turned his body over to face him. “Don’t worry, I’m not asleep,” he called out, voice rough from exhaustion.

“Oh, okay,” Eren replied softly. “D-do you mind if I light the torch? I can’t really see anything.”

“It’s fine.”

With that, Eren lit a match and light filled the room shortly after. The younger man wore a deep-set frown, and his hair was slicked back with sweat.

“How are Jean and Mikasa?”

“They’re fine,” Eren murmured.

“ _You_ don’t sound fine,” Levi said flatly, pulling himself into a sitting position.

Eren sighed and pulled his shirt off. It had been pristinely pressed and clean this morning; now it was covered in dust from the long journey.

“They’re going on another expedition in three weeks.”

 _Oh_ , Levi thought faintly. _So that’s what this is all about_.

“They want you to come with them,” Levi guessed, schooling his voice into his usual apathetic tone.

“Yeah.” Eren was bent over, arms resting on his knees.

“And what do _you_ want to do?”

“I’ve already been on several, I’ve been to the ocean so many times already…We’ve built a whole new city and several outlying villages. I…” Eren’s voice trailed off.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore, to be honest.”

The small chuckle that came with the end of that statement did little to cover up the undercurrent of hopelessness in his voice.

It was something Levi had felt since the moment he’d gotten out of the hospital. He had spent his whole life trying to do just two things: kill all the titans and survive. The first goal was accomplished; the second was suddenly much more long-term than he had expected it to be. He had heard several of his comrades express the same feeling: the strangeness of existing now, in this post-titan world.

Fighting titans had been awful, obviously, but it had been all they’d known for so long. They hadn’t really had time for things like singing, drawing, dancing, playing—not like they had now.

_Things like love._

They were like newborns, all of them, no matter what age, no matter what rank. They were all just learning to live, now that they had the time and space to do so.

He cleared his throat.

“We need…what’s the word,” Levi said softly, grappling with the limits of his education for one of the first times in his life. He furrowed his brows as he thought.

“Hm?”

“Starts with an ‘H,’” he murmured, then, all at once, it came to him. “‘Hobbies!’ We need hobbies.”

Pleased that he’d remembered the correct term, Levi nodded to himself.

“Hobbies?” Eren asked, confused. He turned around and regarded Levi with curiosity.

“Yeah, stuff you do just for fun.”

“Huuuuuuh,” Eren drawled. “Like?”

Levi frowned. “Things like…well, like…Jean bakes. That’s a hobby.”

“But he also does it because Mikasa can’t cook to save her life. So it’s not always for fun,” Eren pointed out.

“But sometimes it is,” Levi argued. “And…Armin reads and writes.”

“What do _you_ do for fun?” Eren asked suddenly.

Levi opened his mouth, then abruptly closed it. “I…well,” he mumbled. He was a little irked to realise that he didn’t really do anything _just for fun_ , per se. Did talking to Eren fall into that category? _That seems as necessary as something like eating, though_ , he thought.

“Let’s make a list.” Eren declared finally, turning to Levi with a determined grin. “Stuff we should try. Let’s make a list and do all the things we come up with until we figure out what we like doing best.”

Levi smiled despite himself. _What a weird kid_ , he thought fondly.

\---

“I don’t like this,” Levi sighed, ripping out another page from his sketchbook. “Everything looks silly.”

“It’s not _terrible_ ,” Eren argued. He’d been trying to draw Isabel, but she kept running around, so his sketch looked more like a blob with ears than an anatomically correct cat.

“What’s next?” Levi asked. They’d been at this for days. They’d tried baking. Eren had made a huge mess and the cake they ended up with was nearly inedible. They’d tried writing poetry. Levi’s was profane and every line of Eren’s was a simile. They’d even tried playing musical instruments. They had ended up with a smashed violin and a seething Levi. Eren still rather liked the metal triangle he’d bought at the music store they’d visited in the capital, so he managed to hide it from Levi’s wrath.

Eren narrowed his eyes and referred back to the list they’d made, then began to read.

“Walking, horseback riding, eating, sleeping, cleaning…these are all things we already do. Because they’re necessary,” he replied flatly, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand.

“But we do already know we like to do them,” Levi pointed out.

“This is hopeless,” Eren whined.

“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way. Maybe to find something we like to do that’s new, we need to combine the parts of all the different things we like into one thing,” Levi mused, scratching at his chin.

“Like what?” Eren asked, intrigued.

Levi paused. “Well, we like riding…and we like eating. You aren’t terrible at cooking when it’s just normal food we eat every day….We also both like those big ass trees all over the forest, but we didn’t add that to the hobby list because it didn’t seem like an actual activity. Maybe we should bring some food, bring out horses, and go find somewhere in the forest to eat it.”

Eren’s eyes widened and he flipped to a new page in his notebook so that he could take notes. “That…that doesn’t sound terrible.”

“Worth a shot,” Levi agreed, shrugging.

So the next day, they got up early. Eren prepared food for the journey, and Levi cleaned up after him. They packed a few bags to the brim with food and tied them onto their saddles. They rode for some time, guided solely by their surroundings; Eren would point out an interesting tree, and they’d turn and head towards that, and so on. They kept track of their path by marking up an official map that Eren had helped Armin make a few years ago.

Finally, they happened upon a clearing with a small pond and grass all around. Tiny yellow flowers broke up the monotony of green.

“This is good!” Eren called out, excitedly. “This is Three Trees Meadow.”

“There are way more than just three trees here," Levi remarked with a frown.

“Well, that one tree over there,” Eren began, pointing toward a single tree that hung over the tiny pond, “looks kind of like three trees from far away, so we named it that.”

“That seems kind of silly,” Levi remarked.

“We’d named a lot of meadows that day, Levi!” Eren huffed defensively.

Levi just chuckled.

He dismounted and untied the packs from his saddle; Eren did the same. When he unraveled a blanket, Eren raised an eyebrow.

“Grass stains,” Levi clarified darkly.

Eren laughed. “Good thinking.”

They’d just laid the blanket down and begun taking out the food they’d packed when it happened. All of a sudden, it began to rain. Not the type of rain that was just a minor nuisance, but a downpour, buckets of rain, the type of rain that soaked them to the bone within seconds.

Eren and Levi turned to each other, gaping in horror. As quickly as they could, they scrambled to their feet. Desperately glancing around for shelter, Eren finally gasped, “the tree!” and grabbed Levi’s arm. He pulled him along and ran toward the tree he’d pointed out earlier, the one on the edge of the pond.

The pair watched miserably from under that huge tree as their food was viciously attacked by raindrops and irreversibly ruined. The bread was sure to become soggy, the stew cold and watery.

Then, the grey sky flashed white and a horrible bang interrupted the harmless pitter-patter of rain hitting the tree branches.

Levi heard Eren gasp and swing his head around wildly in fear. “Hey, hey,” Levi started, grabbing at him, “it’s fine, it’s just thunder…”

Eren was breathing too heavily, too quickly. He looked down at Levi, anxiety written all over his face.

It was the first storm they’d had since the last battle. Levi grimaced, thinking of how on-edge the people in the capital must be if Eren was getting like this.

“It’s okay, they’re gone, it’s just a storm,” Levi began murmuring in a calming tone, desperate to get Eren to settle down. “They’re fucking dead, all of them are _fucking dead pieces of shit_ , this isn’t them, those assholes are all fucking gone…”

Levi heard Eren make a strangled noise and he looked up to meet his gaze. He was making a strange face and Levi watched him with concern, stopping his quiet ranting.

Suddenly, Eren let out a single bark of laughter and doubled over. Levi watched him, his one good eye wide with worry.

“We’re so bad at this!” Eren gasped in between bouts of hysterical laughter. “What are we even _doing_?”

Levi blinked. Then, he let out a helpless, frustrated noise of his own. It was true; all of their work had been for nothing. Not a single thing they had tried so far had felt like a good fit. Another boom of thunder sounded, accompanied by a crack of lightning that lit up the sky.

“I don’t know!” Levi agreed, and suddenly he was laughing too, clutching the front of Eren’s shirt with both hands for stability.

_Someone up there is laughing at us, look how helpless and hopeless and moronic we are, just some disgusting, stupid humans…_

Even when he felt his eyes begin to water and his chest hurt, he didn’t stop laughing.

There they were, shaking and crying under that dumb tree.

“Hey, Levi,” Eren breathed after quite some time.

Another rumble, another bright flash.

“Hm?”

Suddenly a thumb was wiping at the area under his good eye. He started in surprise at the hot touch, looking up in confusion.

Eren’s lashes were wet and he was looking at Levi as though he was looking at something far away.

Levi opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Eren angled his face just so, and moved forward, stopping just short of his lips.

Levi wanted to murder him.

He clenched his fists, and pulled Eren forward by the grip he had on his shirt.

It was clumsy and messy but so was everything else in their lives, and Levi was starting to think that was just fine.

Eren’s hands ghosted over his upper back, then finally settled on his waist. They were shaking, but so warm. Levi opened his mouth a little more and Eren hesitated for only a second before choosing to deepen the kiss. Levi held on to Eren like he was going to disappear with the next crack of lightning.

Eren finally pulled away and Levi let go, albeit reluctantly.

The younger man coughed and looked away, wiping at his nose with his dripping sleeve. Levi noted with interest that the tips of his ears were bright red.

“The rain stopped,” Eren observed, voice thick.

Levi followed his gaze. He was right; giant droplets of water fell from the branches of the tree they’d taken shelter underneath, but the sky was clear.

He cleared his throat, mind hazy. “We should head back,” he said finally, voice rough.

They untied their horses and mounted them in silence. Levi felt like what’d happened under that tree happened years ago, or in another lifetime. Another universe, maybe. Or not at all.

_“Wake up, you piece of shit!”_

_Bloodied hands, palms ripped open to reveal the flesh underneath, grasping at ripped green cloth, burning, burning._

_A broken voice, begging for a miracle._

_“Please.”_

Levi lurched forward but caught himself just in time on the horn of his saddle. He righted himself and turned wildly to his right, only to find Eren facing away from him. He schooled his heartbeat into a normal rhythm by breathing in and out slowly, evenly—just as Hanji had taught him.

Realizing that Eren’s broad back was slowly but surely getting smaller, he kicked his horse forward to follow.

They got back to the house just as the sun began to go down. Eren immediately headed toward the bathroom. Exhausted and confused, Levi changed into his sleepwear and laid on the bed to rest until Eren was finished so that he, too, could shower. However, he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, he was waking up with all the lights off and Eren’s arm slung around his waist, his soft snores sounding right next to his ear.


	5. developing trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was hard for me because it's such a transitional chapter. And it's kind of sad, in a weird way (TFW you like someone and can't say it because you don't want to lose their friendship and their trust ha ha haaa MY LIFE). Anyway, enjoy! The final two will be more exciting.
> 
> Sorry it's a little late!

The next day, Levi woke to an empty bed. He didn’t think much of it; after all, it was common for Eren wake up before him (he usually fell asleep hours before Levi drifted off).

He strapped on his prosthetic and stretched his arms above his head. He heard his back make a satisfying cracking noise, then stood up. He limped into the foyer, scanning the room for Eren. It _was_ unusually quiet. He finally spotted Eren sprawled on their couch, hunched over with his legs stretched straight in front of him. He was seemingly catatonic, staring blankly out the window. Levi watched him curiously for a few moments. He didn’t even see him blink.

“Hey,” Levi began, stretching the word out cautiously. “Everything okay?”

The younger man shot up, and turned to face him with a grin plastered on his face. “Hey! Good morning! We have some bread left over, let me warm it up for you—”

“That’s alright, I can get it.” Levi waved him off and headed into the kitchen.

Spackling some butter on the almost stale bread, he realized that this was for the best. Not talking about it was the only option that made sense in this situation. He had decided that long before what had happened yesterday. Addressing whatever was between them would be a mistake—he’d known that since the moment he began to care about Eren less as a vital asset in their war against the titans and more as a human being. It was a blessing that Eren wanted to forget what had happened, really.

He bit into the bread.

He’d sworn Mikasa and Jean to secrecy after what had happened at the river _for a reason_. He shifted his gaze back to Eren, who had gone back to staring out the window, eyes wide and lips parted just slightly.

Levi swallowed.

Yes, he _should_ be damn thankful.

\---

“And then—and then—no, don’t you _dare_ spoil this part, it’s the best part!” Connie scolded Sasha, waving his arms in front of her face to keep her from interrupting.

Everyone who wasn’t hard at work at the capital—that is, everyone except Commander Hanji and her squad, Queen Historia, and Armin—had gathered at Jean and Mikasa’s house for a dinner. They tried to all get together at least once every month, beyond normal visits to each other’s houses for goods or quick chats.

“We found, get this: a _pie-eating CONTEST_. A _contest_ , guys. An _eating contest_. Can you believe it?”

“People were starving months ago!” Eren growled, gripping the edge of the table. Levi, who was seated next to him, watched his knuckles turn white up close.

“I _know_ ,” Connie continued, “isn’t it nuts? It’s a sign of the times, I guess. Life is fucking good!”

That got a titter out of Jean and Sasha; Levi imagined he was wearing the same slight frown that was plastered on Mikasa’s face. Eren, of course, was livid at the implication. Levi sent him a sharp glance, though Eren wasn’t looking at him. He knocked his knee and, surprised, Eren turned to him.

 _Don’t get mad_ , Levi tried to tell him telepathically. _Just let it go_.

Eren looked at him sheepishly, gave a little grimace, then went back to staring at the table with a slight scowl. Appeased, Levi began listening to the conversation once more.

“—and the prize was this gaudy ruby necklace, but we didn’t even care, it was just like—it was an _eating contest_. Sasha was literally _made_ for this! So she entered and she beat them by a mile, the end.”

That got a boisterous bout of laughter from the entire table. Sasha stood and took an obnoxious, comic bow. Even Eren cracked a smile at that.

“He is, however, leaving out the part about me getting horribly sick afterwards,” Sasha added a little bitterly, taking her seat once more and rolling her eyes.

“Aw, honey, it’s okay, it just means you’re getting older.”

“ _Connie_!” Jean hissed, because if there is one thing Jean knew about, it was knowing not to say anything that could potentially piss off your very strong and terrifying spouse.

Sasha was looking at her husband like he was a deer in the line of fire of her favorite crossbow.

“Why you little—”

“No, no, no, I meant that as a compliment!” Connie cried out, trying (belatedly) to fix his error. “Like, look at us, growing old together—ouch!” Sasha had begun to elbow him. Connie threw up his arms to protect himself, and everyone else laughed.

They’d already gone through several bottles of wine at this point; it had been a good night, filled with good news from most everyone at the table. Jean and Mikasa were preparing to leave for their expedition. Sasha and Connie had a bountiful harvest. Eren and Levi were healthy and happy.

“An eating contest,” Jean began wistfully. “So I guess Sasha’s dream has come true. Anyone else fulfill a life goal decades before its due date?”

“Please, our only real dream was to kill the titans,” Eren replied with a dry laugh, “so, yeah. Everyone here has fulfilled their life goal. Done.”

Everyone at the table turned toward Eren, concern and curiosity written all over their faces. Even Levi was a bit surprised at the outburst. Eren had his cynical moments, but he sounded genuinely confused at the idea that someone could legitimately have a new dream after the titans were exterminated.

“That’s an old dream,” Jean argued with a grin, not understanding the implications of what Eren was saying. “I mean the new ones!”

“What, _you_ have a new dream?” Eren asked, raising his eyebrows. He wasn’t smiling.

“Well, yeah,” Jean said, his grin falling a bit.

“What is it, then?” Eren asked, an edge to his voice.

Levi didn’t like where this was going. Mikasa was watching Eren very carefully; it was the same look he saw on her countless times on the battlefield. It was unsettling, to say the least.

“Well,” Jean began, smiling uncomfortably, “I already married the woman I love, so now it’s keeping her safe…and having a family one day…”

He trailed off, blushing. Mikasa’s face turned a little pinker than it already was, thanks to the glasses of wine she’d had. Connie made hooting noises at the couple.

“Ugh,” Eren’s face twisted in disgust. “You’re an exception.”

Jean glared at his old rival. “You’re just bitter because you’re the only one who hasn’t figured out what he wants out of life yet!”

“Jean!” Mikasa hissed at him, giving him a hard look. Eren looked stricken.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, though it was unclear whether he was apologizing to his wife or to Eren.

“I’m not the only one! Le—Captain Levi doesn’t know what he wants to do with the rest of his life, either!” Eren declared, his tone defensive and a bit desperate. He glanced to his left, as if calling upon Levi to provide him with a lifeline.

“Really.” Jean asked, knowingly. The word rolled off his tongue and he raised an eyebrow at Levi, who looked away, irritated that Eren had brought him into this.

“That’s not…exactly true.” Levi said slowly, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

“What?” Eren asked, aghast. He collected himself, and furrowed his brow. “Well, what is it, then? Training the next batch of cadets? Eventually taking over from Hanji?”

Levi shook his head, scowling. “Nothing like that. I used to want to own a tea shop, for fuck’s sake.”

The mouths of everyone (except Mikasa, though she did look surprised) fell open.

“No way!”

“But that’s so… _normal_.”

“ _I’m_ normal,” Levi huffed defensively.

His old squad members looked at him like he’d grown another head. He shifted uncomfortably under their collectively concerned gaze.

“S-Sure,” Jean said, grinning and nodding at him in a consoling manner.

“But now…” Levi cleared his throat and straightened. “Now, it’s like you said,” he said, gesturing at Jean. “I just want to live in my house with someone I love, maybe have a family one day, who knows.”

Jean clenched his jaw and shifted his gaze toward Eren; Mikasa pursed her lips and looked down, careful not to meet anyone’s gaze. Sasha and Connie reacted in the exact opposite manner.

“Aw, Captain!” Sasha cooed, beaming at him.

Connie let out a single bark of laughter. “Humanity’s Strongest, ha! You should really be called Humanity’s Sappiest!”

The sound of a chair scraping the floor caught everyone’s attention. “Hey, Eren, where are you going?” Connie called out. The brunet stood stiffly for a moment, then walked outside, not meeting anyone’s gaze.

Everyone at the table was quiet for a few moments. Levi realized, horrified, that maybe his tolerance wasn’t what it used to be. He’d said too much. Frustrated with himself, he let out an almost-silent sigh.

“He’s probably just pissed that he’s the only one,” Connie mumbled.

“Excuse me,” Levi sighed, standing up and making his way out the front door.

He closed it behind him. Eren was leaning over the little fence surrounding Jean and Mikasa’s front porch. Since he was resting his head on his crossed arms, Levi couldn’t see his expression.

 _Guess I’m going in blind_ , he thought frustratedly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just needed some air,” Eren mumbled immediately.

Levi glowered at him. “Stop shitting me. You’re acting like you’re fifteen again—”

“I’m not fifteen!” Eren snapped, turning to face him all in one motion. His left hand lay clenched on the porch railing, and his face was contorted with anger.

Levi raised his eyebrows at him.

“I’m...” Eren sniffed and looked away. Levi walked up beside him, watching him for a few moments before shifting his gaze to look out at the forest.

“I just thought I knew a lot about you, but I don’t. I didn’t know that about you. I don’t know,” Eren sighed, rubbing at his face with the palm of his left hand. “I guess I just thought you trusted me enough to tell me stuff like that. Personal stuff.”

“I do trust you,” Levi said earnestly. He coughed, trying to ignore the heat rising to his face, or at least trick himself into believing it was because of the alcohol.

“I…probably trust you more than anyone,” he confessed.

Eren went back to laying on top of his folded arms.

“It’s not true,” Eren mumbled.

“I’m not lying,” Levi huffed, offended that Eren would doubt him.

“Not that,” he sighed. “The thing about having a dream. I _do_ have one. I have for years.”

“Something other than titans?”

“Yeah,” Eren whispered.

“Oh.”

“Why can everyone else say it so easily? I can’t say it.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think it’ll come true.”

“That’s not—”

“But I don’t want to say it because maybe I do think it will. Or, I don’t know. I hope it will, even if I don’t think it will. I can’t lose the hope.” Eren took a deep breath. “You know what I mean.”

He said it like there was no other possibility. Of course Levi knew what he meant. He had no idea what Eren was getting at, but it sounded a lot like the way humanity couldn’t just give up and wait to die at the hands of the titans.

“Yeah,” Levi agreed. “I do.”

Part of trusting someone was knowing when you shouldn’t push them; Levi knew that all too well. He knew when he needed to just commiserate and not press for details, and he knew this was one of those times. He stood next to Eren outside for a few more moments before suggesting they go back in.

The dishes had already been cleared and everyone was getting ready to leave. Eren put back on a happy face, though it was clear he was still troubled. Levi found himself constantly watching him, the alcohol in his system making it hard to come to terms with what had been revealed and what hadn’t; what had changed between them, and that which never would.

Before they left, he felt Mikasa grab his arm in the doorway. Levi glanced around, but Eren was already outside readying their horses.

She gave him a hard look. “You think you’re saving him, but you’re not.”

He looked away.

“You’re not just hurting yourself.”

“It’s none of your concern,” he muttered.

She let go, and he stepped past her.

That night, the routine stayed the same. After getting in bed, Levi turned to face the wall and closed his eyes. Minutes—or maybe hours—later, he heard a whisper.

“Is this okay?”

It was unclear whether Eren was talking to himself or not. Levi kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep.


	6. monsters & heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta break some hearts before the next chapter. SORRY.

“Captain Ackerman!” A woman of about twenty-five with long, curly red hair called out in delight.

Levi stepped through the door, the aroma of fresh bread a welcome change from the stench of the busy streets of the capital.

“Good morning,” Levi greeted the woman, whose face lit up at his words.

“To you as well! It’s been a few weeks, hasn’t it? How have you been?”

“Maybe one day Liesel will give you some breathing space when you come in, Captain, but that day is not today,” an older man’s voice called out from the kitchen with a laugh. The woman, Liesel, huffed in embarrassment, face turning bright red.

“Papa!” She scolded her father, turning around to give him a nasty look.

“It’s no problem,” Levi assured them both, busy scanning the breads behind the countertop.

“Well,” the man began, coming out from the kitchen to address Levi directly, “we have some fresh loaves of grain bread this morning with your name on them. Free of charge, of course.”

“If you keep giving me free bread each time I come in, I may be tempted to bleed you dry,” Levi replied wryly, but accepted two bags of bread anyway.

“It’s the least we can do for a hero like you!” Liesel gushed. Levi resisted the urge to deny her, knowing it wasn’t a battle worth fighting.

“Thank you, as always. I’ll also take some of the fruit breads, if there are any left.”

“Of course!” Liesel began listing each of the kinds they had that day in intense detail. Levi cut her off, asking her to pick four of her favorite kind. She laughed and did so, taking his money in exchange.

The shop’s bell rang just as they finished their exchange.

“Oh, Captain Jaeger!” The girl remarked, surprised at the presence of the younger man.

“Just Eren is fine. Good morning,” Eren replied uncomfortably, scratching at the back of his neck. Levi almost smirked; Eren had hated that title ever since Hanji had bestowed it upon him at the gaudy ceremony that had taken place weeks after their victory. Eren avoided involvement with military affairs almost completely, save for the few times Armin needed him to help draw up maps or give historical records of the battles he took part in.

“Good morning,” Liesel said, a soft smile on her face. Though Eren was much more personable than Levi on a basic level—and always had been—people were still hesitant to embrace his presence with open arms. Despite the fact that they had found a way to strip him of his titan powers shortly after the titans were exterminated, people’s minds were hard to change. Any threat to peace—real or imagined—was approached with great trepidation.

People didn’t see how monsters could turn to heroes overnight.

“Well, it’s been an honor as usual, Captain Ackerman,” Liesel said warmly. She nodded shyly at Eren.

“A pleasure as always,” Levi said in his usual, aloof manner.

“Goodbye!”

Levi stepped out of the door first, Eren following behind him. Eren offered his arm and Levi took it without saying a word, as was their usual routine. The younger man was uncharacteristically quiet as they walked down the bustling street, full of stores and eager shoppers.

“She’s really taken a shine to you, huh?”

“Hm?” Levi looked up at Eren, but the other man wasn’t looking at him.

“The baker’s daughter. She really likes you.” There was a strange edge to Eren’s voice, the same one he’d heard the other night at Jean and Mikasa’s. He narrowed his good eye.

“She’s a sweet girl,” Levi replied evenly.

“I better start talking to Armin about getting my own place. If you two ever got married, I’d have to move out, you kn—”

Suddenly, Eren was knocked to the ground by an immeasurably strong fist to the face. He blinked several times, dust flying up into his eyes and nose. He coughed a few times, bringing his hand up to his nose. It was wet with blood. “What the—”

Eyes blurred with unbidden tears, he couldn’t see Levi’s face as the other man stepped over him, walking away without a word.

\---

“Oh, Eren— _shit, is your noise broken_?” Jean’s tone went from casual to hysterical in all of two seconds. He opened the door wider and moved aside to let Eren past.

“I don’t know,” Eren replied flatly, in a nasally tone. Jean closed the door behind them, still gaping at Eren. Trails of blood had dried on his face, adding to the rather colorful canvas of dirt and bruising.

“You look fucking awful, what happened?” Jean asked, aghast.

“Captain fucking _Levi_ happened.”

“Shit, I thought him beating you up was a one-time thing,” Jean remarked, referencing what he’d heard had happened in the courthouse all those years ago. “Please tell me this was another necessary show for the general public or some kind of freak accident.”

“Pretty sure it wasn’t an accident,” Eren groaned, sitting down and holding his head in his hands.

At the sound of a door creaking open, Jean perked up. In walked Mikasa, holding several packs of fresh vegetables.

“Welcome back, where’s the first aid kit?” Jean asked drily, jabbing a thumb in Eren’s direction.

“Eren!” Mikasa’s eyes widened at her brother’s sorry state, and she rushed to his side. She bent down on her knees to examine his face.

“Stop poking it— _ouch_ —I said stop!” Eren growled, waving her away. “It’s not helping.”

“You’re the one who rushed to our place, so let us help without whining about it,” Jean huffed. “Why are you here, anyway?”

“Well, I don’t think Le—the captain wants to see me right now,” Eren replied drily. Realizing who he was talking to, he glanced down to gauge Mikasa’s reaction to this news.

She didn’t look surprised. He furrowed his brow. “Why aren’t you pissed?”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow and looked up to meet his gaze. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not going nuts or cursing up a storm. I don’t know, you seem…”

“There was a time I didn’t trust Captain Levi prioritized your well-being,” Mikasa began with a sigh, standing up. “What happened at the river helped to change my mind. Which means that whatever happened, it wasn’t entirely his fault.”

Eren gaped at her.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Mikasa continued evenly, eyeing him with those steely eyes of hers, “I am livid right now. But I also know that it takes two to come to blows.”

Her brother scowled, seemingly processing what she had just said. “’What happened at the river’…everyone talks about what happened back then like it was so different from all those other times that the captain saved me. I don’t get it.”

Jean groaned; even Mikasa looked irritated.

“I fucking _knew_ he was making a mistake. You know, for someone who we’ve kind of revered forever, Captain Levi is literally the definition of ‘emotionally constipated,’” Jean declared in frustration.

“He’s getting better,” Eren mumbled, rubbing at his nose.

“Stay still,” Mikasa murmured, cupping his nose in her hand.

“Hey, what are you—”

“Think happy thoughts, Eren.”

“Wha—OW, HOLY _SHIT_ , OH WHAT THE FUCK, _OW_.” Eren cried, eyes tearing up uncontrollably at the sudden pain of Mikasa setting his nose.

“Good work, sweetheart,” Jean chuckled, taking a seat across from Eren.

Mikasa smiled wryly. “I have to admit, it is kind of nice to know your bones can’t just fix themselves anymore.”

“Glad to make you feel useful,” Eren bit out between pained wheezes.

“So, tell us what happened,” Jean demanded as Mikasa took a seat beside him.

“Errrgh,” Eren groaned, burying his face in his hands again. “It’s so dumb. It was a fucking _joke_.”

Jean and Mikasa shared a knowing glance, then turned their attention back to Eren.

He sighed. “Okay, well, you know the baker’s daughter on the high street?”

“Liesel,” Mikasa said, nodding.

“Right. Yeah. Well, she _really_ likes Captain Levi. We always get free bread!”

“Oh, I don’t like where this is going,” Jean groaned.

“And…I sort of made this joke about how I’d have to move out if he ever got married. Then he punched me into the dirt and stalked off.”

“Oh, Eren,” Mikasa sighed.

“By the time I made it to where we had tied up our horses, he was already gone.”

“Goddamnit, Eren,” Jean moaned, his head in his hands.

“What!” Eren scowled. “She’s not even fazed by the fact that he _never_ smiles. She’s always grinning at him and touching his hands for _way too long_ when she passes the bread and she gets all red when her dad tells her to stop harassing Levi! It’s so obvious she has a thing for him, and Levi doesn’t do anything to discourage her—”

“Oh man, I can’t _believe_ how bratty you sound right now.”

“Jean,” Mikasa scolded him, though it was a bit half-hearted. She was still watching Eren carefully.

“Sorry, it’s just—!” Jean threw up his arms in frustration.

“I’m _not bratty_!” Eren growled, standing up. Jean stood up as well, laughing maliciously.

“Oh _please_ , Eren, you’ve had the biggest crush on the captain ever since you joined his special ops squad! Then, it was always ‘Captain Levi’s techniques are incredible,’ ‘Listen, if we don’t clean properly, Captain Levi will murder us all,’ ‘Captain Levi is actually really funny if you get to know him,’ ‘Captain Levi is so kind!’” Jean raised his voice, counting off with his fingers each time he mimicked Eren’s complimentary words regarding their old squad leader.

“It’s not a crush!” Eren yelled, getting in Jean’s face.

“Oh, yeah?” Jean laughed cruelly. “What is it, then?”

“I’m in love with him!”

“It _so is_!” Jean laughed, then stopped suddenly, processing what Eren had just said. His mouth fell open. “Wait, what?”

“It’s not a crush,” Eren murmured, eyes downcast. His shoulders were shaking slightly.

“Oh my god.” Jean looked from Eren to Mikasa, who looked a little surprised herself, back to Eren. “Oh my god. Petition to rename them ‘Humanity’s Stupidest Pair of Idiots,’” he said, surprise still lining his voice.

Eren sat back down, burying his face in his hands once more. The tips of his ears were bright red.

“I just don’t want him to be alone,” Eren sighed, sounding thoroughly defeated.

“Listen, Eren—” Jean began, voice serious.

Mikasa put a hand on her husband’s shoulder, stopping him. She kneeled down beside Eren once more, brushing some of his hair out of his face.

“You should tell him that.”

Eren looked up, eyes glassy. Mikasa pulled him into a hug. After a few moments, Eren put his arms around her reluctantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamnit, Eren.


	7. wings of freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! (throws confetti) Thank you all SO MUCH for reading. Seriously, you all made my week. Your comments have given me so much life.
> 
> There will be a tiny epilogue after this, which I'll write sometime tomorrow or the next day.

Levi regretted his actions the minute he’d stepped foot back into his house. He’d seethed the entire ride home, the anger making him feel sick to his stomach.

Now, taking careful steps toward the kitchen to refill his canteen, he was realizing that it wasn’t anger making him feel ill: it was guilt.

 _Regret_.

“ _Shit_ ,” he breathed, bringing a hand up to his forehead, the weight of what had happened washing over him. He’d overreacted; he’d lost his temper at a stupid remark made by Eren in a fit of jealousy. He’d _hit_ him. He hadn’t acted violently since that last battle. And toward someone who cared about him with their entire being…

It was unforgivable.

...But it was for the best, wasn’t it?

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew Eren had feelings for him; had known it for years now. But they were feelings born of circumstance. Eren had been in his care for so long; it had been his _job_ to keep him alive, keep him safe. Now, Eren was free, and he needed to realize that his feelings for Levi weren’t sustainable in this world. They no longer had a common goal binding them together. If he had just given Eren more space, he’d have realized that…

Levi sighed, crossing his arms and leaning over the sink, taking the weight off his bad leg.

He’d slipped up one too many times. It’d started with what happened at the river and escalated so quickly. The months after he’d gotten out of the hospital had been easy. He’d avoided Eren, had thrown himself into helping Hanji restructure the military.

And then he’d gotten tired; tired of playing war games, tired of playing the hero. He should have known that the minute he’d freed himself of responsibility, Eren would wander back into his life and offer his heart up once more.

 _How could I have lost control so easily?_ Levi asked himself, his whole body hot with anxiety.

The way looking at Eren made him want to break into the most ridiculous grin, the warmth he emanated when he slept next to him, the bright, musical tone of his voice when he was pleased…none of these things were worth knowing that he was clipping Eren’s wings. Selfishness followed him around like a shadow, and he’d gotten comfortable—too comfortable to push Eren away.

He hobbled back into the bedroom and threw himself on his bed, not even bothering to take off his dusty clothes.

 _It had only been a matter of time, anyway_.

Levi closed his eyes.

 _This is for the best_.

He ended up rising in a fit of anguish—at himself, at Eren, at Mikasa for seemingly knowing exactly how all of this would blow up in his face—and stripped his bed, though the sheets had been changed that very morning. He took great care in folding the corners of the sheets perfectly and brushing wrinkles out of the top blanket. Then, he took a long shower. He scrubbed at the burn scars lining his hands and arms until his body felt raw.

He climbed into bed, shivering. He kept the torch on. He’d be getting no sleep that night, anyway.

\---

He was sitting at the table when he heard the knock. He grabbed the cane he’d used to get from the bedroom to the kitchen that morning sans prosthetic and limped over to his door.

He hadn’t felt such a sense of simultaneous relief and terror since the moment he’d found Eren lying in that field, his titan corpse rotting all around him.

There, wearing an unreadable expression on his face, which was all swollen and purple, was Eren.

“Jean made lemon cake,” Eren began slowly, raising his right hand where, sure enough, there was a neatly wrapped cake dangling from his fingers. “Can I come in?”

Wordlessly, Levi pulled himself out of the way. Eren moved into the foyer, eyeing Levi the whole time.

Levi made his way over to the table. Eren made no attempt to help him, which he was thankful for. He didn’t deserve it. Eren sat down across from him, looking anywhere but at Levi’s eyes.

“Your leg…”

“Hurts.” Levi murmured. He rubbed at his knees. “Did a lot of walking yesterday.”

“I see.”

The silence was insufferable. He could hear their chickens outside, the gentle whir of water rushing somewhere under the sink. In the next room, he could hear Isabel and Farlan tearing something apart. _Are these things still ours?_ Levi switched to rubbing at his bad eye.

“Don’t,” Eren started, reaching out. Levi’s eyes shot up and met Eren’s. The younger man looked taken aback for just a second, before furrowing his brow. He lowered the arm which had shot out to grab Levi’s arm. “You shouldn’t…mess with it.”

“I’m sorry,” Levi said suddenly, face crumpling. “You look like shit. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

Shocked, Eren’s eyes shot wide opened and he leaned back in his chair. Then, he did the last thing Levi expected him to do: he laughed.

“Says you. You look halfway to death yourself, you know.” Eren chuckled, reaching out again. Levi’s heart raced as Eren’s arm came closer. His arm shot out to grab it before it could reach his face.

“Hey,” Eren murmured tenderly, using his other arm to loosen Levi’s grip. “I didn’t come here to fight. Or to demand an apology.”

“Oh?” Levi asked, trying to push the nervousness out of his voice and seemingly failing; the pitch had risen just enough to make the corners of Eren’s lips quirk up into a wry smile.

“Nah.” Eren had freed his arm and rested a warm palm on Levi’s cheek, barely having to reach across the table to do so. _Fucking long-ass titan arms_ , Levi thought bitterly.

Again, he found himself avoiding eye contact with Eren. He didn’t want to do this. He’d fought too hard to avoid this, and the way Eren was touching him so tenderly, like he was something delicate and lovely, was making his chest hurt and his eyes sting in a way they never had before. For the life of him, he couldn’t decide if he liked it or hated it.

“I love you.”

Levi closed his good eye.

“Don’t,” he choked out, moving to free himself from Eren’s touch.

“No.” Eren got up and, within a moment, knelt down next to Levi. Levi turned away, pushing his joy down under the memories of all the despair he’d caused, all the wrong choices he’d made. He could feel Eren’s gaze on him, and it was chipping at his resolve. “Please, look at me,” Eren begged.

“I’m sorry.” Levi schooled his voice into the professional tone he’d used for so many years as a high-ranking military official, but he was out of practice.

“I know how you feel about me. Why are you being so stubborn?” There was an irritated edge to Eren’s voice.

At that, Levi twisted around to face him, fury lining his features. “You don’t know anything.”

“I know you wouldn’t go around kissing people you don’t like,” Eren started, voice wobbly. “I know you wouldn’t share a bed with just anyone, either. And I know something happened at the river that no one is telling me because you swore them to some weird and immature form of secrecy. Do you really think I’m that blind? I’m not a dumb kid.”

“I made a series of mistakes,” Levi started curtly, glaring down at Eren, “and I apolo—”

“What happened at the river, Levi?” Levi stopped, breath hitching. Eren’s voice was like cold steel. “ _What happened at the river, Levi?_ ”

“You know what happened,” he said with a weary voice. “I found you in that field, and I dragged you to safety.”

_When he awakened, he had thought that maybe it had all been a dream. After all, he should not have still been breathing. His leg had been gnashed off by a titan, though he’d managed to take it down seconds later. He couldn’t remember why he had such a terrific headache until he reached his hand up to feel at his forehead and it had come back drenched in blood. Shaking, he realized that he couldn’t see out of his left eye._

_He tried to open his mouth to speak, scream,_ anything _, but he could find no words. The pain, the stench, the feeling of being drenched in blood and legless and eyeless and—_

_The others. He needed to find the others. He needed to know if the plan had been successful._

_Somehow, against all odds, he found himself able to use his arms well enough to drag himself forward. It was like time had stopped. He knew it was taking him ages to move his mostly-useless body forward through the dirt and grime, but nothing mattered anymore. Thinking about things like time was meaningless._

_From afar, he saw thick plumes of white smoke. His throat burned and his eyes stung and began to water._

_“Eren,” he breathed_.

“You could have bled out!” Eren’s voice was deathly quiet, his eyes wide and glassy.

Levi just shook his head. “I didn’t care.”

_There was a huge circle of dead wildlife surrounding him. There were only a few parts of his titan form intact, and even so, they were scattered all around. Levi dragged himself with new vigor toward the center of it all, ignoring the strange blue flames engulfing the monstrous body and shooting white smoke into the grey sky._

_“Eren,” he said with more urgency, coughing thanks to the smoke and the blood dried all around his mouth. “Eren!”_

_He pulled himself forward and felt his heart stop._

_Eren was laying there, surrounded by smoke and fires that looked straight out of some sort of mythological nightmare, drenched in red._

“I didn’t know you were alive,” Levi said, voice thick. “I slammed my palms down onto your chest. Bled all over you. That’s when I realized how hot you were. You were burning, Eren. Like a fucking bonfire. Burned my skin right off.”

Eren opened his mouth, but said nothing, shock lining his features. He glanced down at Levi’s palms. Self-consciously, Levi moved his hands away. Eren had seen them before, but he’d never asked how they’d come to be so scarred; he had probably just assumed it was just from a lifetime of using the maneuver gear.

“How…how did you move me if I was burning?”

_Hissing, Levi removed his hands from Eren’s chest. He’d burned straight through his own clothing, but Levi hadn’t noticed until just then. He grabbed shakily at his tattered cloak and ripped it into pieces with his teeth. He wrapped strips of blood-stained red around his hands and grabbed at Eren, burning his arms in the process._

“I knew I had to get you to water. It was sheer luck that there was a river just beyond the field you were in. Down a hill, just a few feet away, probably. I couldn’t even hear it because of the crackling…all that fire and smoke.”

Levi closed his eyes.

_Panting, Levi pushed Eren into the river with the last of his strength._

_That done, he let out a strangled scream, the pain finally washing over him in a single, terrible wave. He turned his head and vomited, trying not to focus on how much blood he’d clearly had in his stomach. It suddenly hit him that this was it: he was dying. He closed his eyes, then realized that maybe he could afford just an ounce of selfishness._

_He pulled himself forward, eyes watering. His breath hitched; the tears came slowly at first, mixing with the cracked dirt and dried blood on his face until red clouded his vision. He wiped at his face, then reached out a careful hand._

_It landed right below Eren’s throat. There was a steady beat._

_He let out a single strangled, hysterical bark of laughter._

_Steam was still pouring off of him in waves, but the cool water was clearly bringing down his temperature; Levi was able to touch him, after all._

_“You’re…r…really…something,” Levi found himself saying, voice brittle and broken. “Fu…fucking indes….tructable…”_

_His breathing was becoming more and more labored._

_“Listen, kid…” Levi coughed, trying to ignore the wetness of more blood dripping down his chin. “This is goodbye.”_

_Eren lay perfectly still, looking like some sort of ethereal being with that white steam rolling off of him in waves. Like someone who lived among the stars, far away from things like war and death and despair and sickness and pain. Skin unblemished. Safe._

_“I’m…fucked,” Levi ground out. “But…you’re free…I think…it’s over.”_

_It was so quiet._

“Mikasa and Jean landed only seconds later. They’d seen the steam. Jean was sobbing, wailing about how we’d won. Mikasa ran straight to you. I ordered them to keep you safe. No matter what. Ordered them to leave me there, too, but your sister has never liked me and so she dragged my ass back with you.”

“Wait…does that mean _Jean_ is the one who…no wonder he was complaining about how heavy you were last night,” Eren murmured.

“The point is, they found me grabbing onto your body and crying my heart out about how much I loved you. Burying my fucking face into your neck and everything like a disgusting idiot.”

Eren’s face turned bright red. Levi would have made fun of him if his face wasn’t feeling so hot he thought it’d melt right off.

“Y-you…”

“Right in front of them, yep.” Levi popped the “p” sarcastically, and Eren’s eyes shot up to meet his. “I woke up a few days later in a feverish daze and made them swear they wouldn’t breathe a word of what had happened to anyone else. I believe I told Jean I’d castrate him.”

“Oh my god.” Eren winced.

The silence permeated the space between them once more. Eren was sitting on the floor now, leaning against one of the legs of table, face near Levi’s good leg. Levi leaned forward, elbows on the table, and stared out the window blankly.

“If that’s how you feel…why didn’t you just tell me?” Eren finally asked, breaking the silence.

“You think I didn’t know how you felt? You’re not exactly subtle, kid. You’ve been giving me eyes since you were a fucking cadet,” Levi responded drily.

“That’s—!” Eren started, then stopped. “That makes even less sense. If you knew I felt the same way, why—”

“Why did you want to kill all the titans, Eren?”

“Freedom, obviously.”

“Being with me…you wouldn’t be free.”

“That’s…the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and you’ve told some shit jokes before, Levi.”

He heard the scraping of wood as Eren pulled himself to his feet. He grabbed Levi’s hands from off the table and pulled him up as well. Then, he put his arms around Levi’s waist and pulled him close.

Levi was too tired to fight it, but it didn’t hurt that he didn’t really want to.

“I appreciate the gesture, I really do. Very chivalrous. You are a very chivalrous idiot,” Eren murmured fondly, voice suddenly close to his ear as he pulled Levi close. “But if I’m free now—and if you’re saying you’d never had any intention of holding me here against my will, even going so far as to push me away—then I’m free to choose who I want to be with. And I choose you. I chose you then and I chose you weeks ago when I asked to stay here and I’ll choose you today and tomorrow and every other day too, so please give up the selfless, brooding lover act and choose me, too.”

“Okay.” Levi tried to ignore how wobbly his voice sounded, the prick of tears at the inner corners of his eyes. “Yeah, okay. You win.”

“Good. Now we’re going to take a nap because I’m exhausted and I really want to hold you.”

Eren carried Levi all the way to the bedroom, but Levi decided that, even if someone threatened to cut off his one good leg, he’d never, ever, admit it.

That didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy every minute of it, though.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song "Underneath the Sycamore" by Death Cab for Cutie.


End file.
